Shortly after starting there was a MASSIVE shift. I began to view myself as a creator. I started to uncover my voice. I began making art.
And with all this good stuff comes a whooooole lot of (self-imposed, not real, but so real feeling)... pressure.
I'm a perfectionist. (Maybe some of you can relate.) So when I started creating, I wanted it to be JUST SO. I've put so much pressure on myself to be super creative and productive and have really healthy habits and support myself and push boundaries and keep making making making.
It's like knowing that I'm capable of greatness (we all are) is debilitating. It's easy to forget that.. I'm human. Not a creative robot.
I was chatting with my friend about how I keep drinking wine and watching mindless TV shows instead of making more art, reading, being productive, etc.
And to that, she simply responded, "That's being a human, Amanda."
IT IS! That's being human! *Sigh of relief.* And that leads to a few more thoughts...
"Mastery is boring".
Wise words from author Elizabeth Gilbert. If everything we ever created was "perfect" and wonderful and made us super rich and famous and there was no fight.. journey.. trials.. uncovering.. to get there, what would the point be? Art is a path OF discovery. Not a path TO discovery. The trip is the whole point. Every moment,not just the end result, is special and sacred.
You are human. So be human.
Some days you'll want to spend hours on the floor laying out and pouring magic into a new creation. Some days you'll want to make a yogurt and honey face mask and watch Bachelor in Paradise. You are a full human, capable of a full, vibrant, wide-range life. Let yourself feel no shame in any of it.
And that is that. You know what's good for you. You know what you need right now. Make space for yourself to breathe. Let yourself live this human life.