Feeling is a gift.

Feeling is a gift.

I remember being 18, sitting on the couch with my mom, and in such intense pain over something. I can't remember exactly what it was, but she looked at me with her eyebrows furrowed, confused, almost as if she was feeling my pain too.

My mom said, “You feel things so deeply. When you’re high, you’re so high, and when you’re low, you’re so low.”

In that moment I knew it was true and that she didn't mean any harm, but I felt ashamed. I've lived the past 11 years believing my intense emotions were something that needed to be fixed...

Read more

PMS, PMDD, Cycles & Creativity

PMS, PMDD, Cycles & Creativity
In our society we have a limited view on PMS and women’s cycles. We’re taught to hide it, to be embarrassed by it, and to avoid oversharing. We mock it. We try to cover it up with ice cream and wine and painkillers. We do everything but listen to our symptoms and embrace our cycle as a powerful creative force.

Read more

In Search of a New Creative Home

In Search of a New Creative Home

I am searching for a feeling. The feeling of such commitment to and passion for your craft that it pulls you in, causing you to lose track of time, look up and it's dark outside, having forgotten to eat lunch or check your phone. Flow state.

I want that more than anything. And I feel a little fraudulent to admit that I currently do not feel this way about my work.

Read more

Contrast Creates Expansion

Contrast Creates Expansion
It's a Tuesday morning, the first back in the "office", after a weekend sleeping on the ground and walking through the alpine. I've got a dry nose, peeling forehead, sore legs, bruised hips. Despite the sensation of my body seemingly falling apart, it's been a while since I've felt this alive.

Read more

Hello Depression, My Old Friend

Hello Depression, My Old Friend

Recently my boyfriend and I were driving to the gym, and instead of our typical chatty trip, I sat in silence looking out at the greening Colorado foothills pass by, feeling nothing. Something had been off with me for a couple weeks, so I chose to try and positive "think" my way out of the funk.

I told him I needed to find "something to look forward to." I yearned for the feeling of positive expectation, or even just a little flash of happiness in the moment. 

Read more