I am searching for a feeling. The feeling of such commitment to and passion for your craft that it pulls you in, causing you to lose track of time, look up and it's dark outside, having forgotten to eat lunch or check your phone. Flow state.
I want that more than anything. And I feel a little fraudulent to admit that I currently do not feel this way about my work.
Recently my boyfriend and I were driving to the gym, and instead of our typical chatty trip, I sat in silence looking out at the greening Colorado foothills pass by, feeling nothing. Something had been off with me for a couple weeks, so I chose to try and positive "think" my way out of the funk.
I told him I needed to find "something to look forward to." I yearned for the feeling of positive expectation, or even just a little flash of happiness in the moment.